An artful actor, awfully allied,
Bland, baleful Blair, by Brits beatified,
Craftily constitutional crimes conceives,
Does dreadful domework, deftly deals, deceives,
Emerging effortless, exuding ease.
Fettes-fed, financed from fat family fees,
Granting grand gains great guzzlers gladly gauge,
He's hi-jacked Hardie's hopeful heritage.
Intrigues! In Islington, in Italy!
Jezebel Jay joins Junta's jamboree,
Knifes knee-breeched kingly kinsmen knavishly.
Lacklustre lords, lamenting, leave loved lair.
Mo Mowlam's moved. Mad maverick Marxist mayor,
Newt-nursing nuisance, now nags neutered nation.
Orangemen's obscurantist obfuscation
Proves Peace Process precarious, Papists prickly.
Quell quarrels? Quite quixotic! Queen, quit quickly!
Railtrack's receiver ruefully requires
Stupendous sums; strangers shun sheep-shorn shires.
Tories turn tail, tearing traditional ties;
U-turns upset us, unforeseen, unwise.
Victims view violent villains' victories;
Westminster waffles; Whitehall's weaklings wheeze.
Xanthippus, Xenophon, Xenophanes,
Yesteryear's youth, you yield. Yet yobs, yahoos,
Zip zestfully! Zounds! Zeitgeist! Zany zoos!
Thomas Braun
Thomas Braun is an Oxford don. He wrote the above in December 2001,before the Iraq war.