Moral values

A religious conservative
discusses his moral philosophy

In our mega-church we choose
The moral principles we use.
That bit about the meek and poor —
We're not concerned with them no more.
Mostly they're lazy and will shirk
A normal twelve hours wholesome work.
We don't leave those men in the lurch
Who turn to us, the One True Church.
But all the rest are thought depraved
And cannot possibly be saved.

Values are what we hold most dear;
You're welcome if you're not a queer;
We tolerate conforming darkies,
Support the killing of Iraqis,
Praise the Lord and give him thanks
For kids crushed by Israeli tanks,
Forgive the right-wing pol cocaine
If he just says he's born again.

We pay our taxes for defense,
And bomb all those who give offense.
If foreigners against us plot,
It's Heavens will if kids get shot.
Stories of torture are, we guess,
Got up by the left-wing Press,
And all of us approve, of course,
Of Liberty imposed by force.
United We Stand, brave and free,
And God help them that disagree.

What we hate and can't abide
Are liberals and spermicide,
And government and gun control,
The French, the A-rabs and the dole;
Keep rape and whoring in proportion,
But what we hate most is abortion.
To execute a human being
Is for god-fearing men's well-being.
But terminate a foetus! That provokes
All us true believer folks,
Who, come the Rapture, soon will stand
At blessed Jesus Christ's right hand.
Ah, Liberals! Learn this lesson well —
We go to Heaven, you to Hell.

December 2004