Marxist and Socialists parties the world are overjoyed about the nationalization of the two biggest mortgage companies and the largest insurance company in the United States.
Communist Party of the United States of America in a statement said today, This is a catastrophe, although Bush and his cronies will tell you it is merely a market re-adjustment. Can you believe it? The Republican Administration has taken three of the pillars of the American capitalist system into public ownership, two of them alone carrying $5 trillion in mortgage debt, and has just bailed out AIG, the insurance giant from the effects of its own variety of stupidity and greed. Two hundred billion dollars it has cost the taxpayer to keep Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac in business, and all this is done without a whimper from the Republican Party, the Libertarians or the hard-right Club for Growth! He went on to claim that this action by the Treasury was the first serious chink in the armor of unrestrained capitalism and a step towards achieving a free, prosperous and peaceable society free of racism, sexism, homophobia, and exploitation, in which all people have the opportunity to develop to their fullest potential.
Members of the Democratic Socialists of America praised the takeover of the three financial giants and looked forward to further progressive and socially enlightened policies under Comrade John McCain. McCains vaunted maverick image and his likely inability to form a Cabinet whose members are able to read (let alone govern the country) opens the door to wholesale collapse of capitalism and the collectivization of all jobs in the financial and multinational sectors, they claimed. In a message to Treasury Secretary Henry Paulson they said, When you have digested AIG, Fannie Mae and Freddie why dont you nationalize such socially aware and responsible corporations as Exxon Mobil, Walmart, Clear Channel and GEC?
The Communist Party in Russia commented: Not even Lenin had the opportunity of taking into public ownership three financial organizations worth $5,500 billion! Its probably the largest expropriation of private property ever. We have misjudged President Bush. He has outdone Lenin himself and without a murmur from the American people. We conclude that they must at last be ready for socialism". (The spokesman later confessed that he might have understated the total cost to the taxpayer, but then who's counting?).
A spokesman of the Communist Party of China commented, This is not encouraging. The Americans told us that an unsupervised, free-for-all financial market based on greed and selfishness was the answer to all our problems. We may have to go back to a planned economy. Come back Mao Tse Tung, all is forgiven.
The Workers Party of North Korea issued a statement which included the observation, In America top managers who heedlessly destroy their companies are rewarded with a severance pay of tens of millions. Peoples Managers in Korea who run their organizations into the ground are executed. Our incentives are superior.
In the U.K a spokesperson for the Prime Minister, Gordon Brown, said, Its good to see that in nationalizing the Northern Rock Bank Britain once again led the way and set an example of social responsibility to the American Administration. When asked for the umpteenth time why British regulators had not done more to prevent the financial crisis, Brown told your correspondent, They were asleep at the wheel, like the American authorities. Between you and me, we dont like to get too far out of step with the Americans. No, I wouldnt call it doing every damn thing were told. And no, it isnt my fault. Yes, I was Chancellor of the Exchequer but nobody told me about those mortgage thingies that seem to have caused the problems. Ive got a war to run here. I cant supervise everything. Why has the former CEO of Northern Rock been given a huge pay-off? Its nothing to do with me. Ask my Chancellor, Alistair Darling.
Mr. Walter Pratt, former CEO of the NameYourLoan Corporation that lent 150 times earnings to purchasers of trailers, slum dwellings and illegally built houses in flood plains, speaking to us from his twelve bedroom mansion on the West Indian island of Mustique:
All I did, he told us, was to promote the American Dream. What I did wasnt against the rules. There were no rules. We have a Republican Administration. A Republican Administration relaxes rules. Thats what its there for. Why do you suppose I spent a small fortune on lobbyists if I didnt think I could grow my company fast and get the hell out to this island in double quick time? The Democrats will wring their hands and demand more oversight. Dream on!
Barack Obama, looking exhausted after a hard day campaigning, let down his guard and told me: The financial system of this country is in turmoil. We have the largest deficit in the history of the country, a deficit we will be paying down for decades, plus two un-winnable wars that are sucking the country dry. Can I get the attention of the American people? No! They don't want to talk about the issues. Who can blame them. The truth is that they are more interested in John McCains lame jokes and the home life of Sarah (Ban-a-Book) Palin than in rescuing a floundering economy. Look, are there any good academic jobs going in England?
Mrs. Doreen Schmidt of Water Falls, Idaho, in a telephone interview, asked, Where is the money coming from to pay for all this? And economist Tru Lee Bore Ing of Washington D.C told this reporter, We are witnessing the death knell of trickle down economics. In case you havent noticed, the small government, laisser faire policies of the Republican Party have failed and keep failing. When will the Libertarians and the free marketers understand that sensible oversight is crucial to the smooth working of a capitalist society. Reagan left the Federal books in tatters; now Bush has bankrupted the country and handed over power to sovereign funds and foreign ownership. And they go on about patriotism?
This is, of course, absolute nonsense. America is the bastion of freedom and free enterprise and always bounces back, this time with the active involvement of China, Saudi Arabia and Dubai. The market is simply undergoing a slightly sharp correction. Wall Street can always be relied on to bring value and prosperity to this great country of ours. Will it be owned by foreigners? Of course not, overtly anyway!
As an employee of one of the five major Republican-controlled monopoly media companies I have to point out that there will always be a measure of financial exuberance and that you will never prevent financial crises reoccurring. because these guys will always want to make a quick buck. In any case the problems all started with the Clinton Administration, the budget surplus, the good housekeeping at the time and the subsequent rise of house prices. There is absolutely nothing else the Bush Administration could have done. This is not Bushs fault, nor McCains. You can't be expected to run two simultaneous wars, have time at the ranch, and watch the economy. Obama has nothing to offer except tax increases to pay for the interest on it all. And nobody will tolerate that, will they?"