An Email from Saddam Hussein

Shock Top Secret letter rocks US Intelligence. Iranians suspected.

TOP SECRET
FOR YOUR EYES ONLY
From: ITALENT 3/11/06/ USUI
To: MIDOT/USD

Subject: Purported email from Saddam Hussein.

The following is an email from Saddam Hussein, received in Bahrein at 0703hrs.on March 10th 2006, and intercepted and translated by an un-named European intelligence agency. Please report soonest whether this is authentic or whether it is Iranian disinformation. The Iranians are known to want Saddam executed.

TRANSLATION:

Cousin, marhaba!

Salaam aleikum! May the words of the Prophet, peace be upon him, be an inspiration to you and yours. It is Saddam here. I am writing to you from the jail in Baghdad, where I am being illegally detained. How is your dear wife and the three children? I trust they are safe.

There ought to be a counterpart to the Nobel Prize for Peace, maybe the Nobel Prize for War, offered to the most incompetent occupation of a country in modern times. The requirement would be : lack of planning, insufficient men, lack of training for guerrilla warfare, cultural unawareness and marginally useless hi-tech weaponry that is no match for the motivated patriot with some gunpowder and a metal tube. In addition to framed portraits of the dead on both sides, military and civilian, the prize would be the granting of a resounding title, for instance , "Bush of Baghdad". As mellifluous would be "Rumsfeld of Iraq".

Regrettably, we are faced here with the probable partition of our country, with my Sunnis abandoned in the desert without oil, natural resources, or even access to the sea. The Kurds will have their fight with Turkey, and the cursed Shia — may the wrath of Allah descend upon them - will be ruled from Tehran. They will regret it.

So what did I tell you in previous emails? The cement holding Iraq together has for years been Saddam. That devious old devil of an imperialist, Winston Churchill, said that "Iraq, as we (the British) have constituted it, is ungovernable". Correct. Without a Saddam it is ungovernable, notwithstanding the views of the deskbound geniuses at the Heritage Institute and other centres of ignorance and wishful thinking in Washington.

As you are well aware I am currently the subject of a so-called "trial", as incompetently organized as the occupation itself. But I doubt much will happen to me. It is more important for Bush to "win" the so-called war on terror than to see me hang. Of course, no one half sensible really thinks you can win the war on terror the way they are fighting it, but it is politically essential to have an enemy out there. It wins elections. The Americans know that only I can rally the Sunni and suppress Abu Massab al-Zarqawi and his foreign thugs. They also know that my execution would further infuriate my patriotic Sunni fighters, all to no purpose.

We are well advanced with my strategy of guerrilla war, and I expect a defeated American military to withdraw in the near future, certainly before their next election. Let them claim victory as long as they leave no military bases behind them. There is no point in us wasting time regretting what is past. Back in control of at least Sunni Iraq, I can contain the Iranians and Shia and do a deal with Syria.

Ah, Syria!

At one time the Ba'ath Party (see note 1), you will recall, controlled both Iraq and Syria, sharing a common culture of Arab socialism, nationalism and Pan-Arabism. This relationship fell apart, but we still have much in common, feelings of insecurity and a bitter hatred of Iran on one side and of Israel on the other.

My aim is to reverse the division of Arabia, brought about by the French after Versailles, and restore not only Arab pride and self-respect, but also the American connection. There shall be a new Ba'ath.

You are surprised? You think me a little naive? A bit over-optimistic? Don't be too sure.

Listen, cousin. It is shortly to be possible to engineer the unity of Syria and Sunni Iraq. In the old days it never worked. The incentives were never there. Now, faced with powerful enemies on both sides, one with nuclear weapons, the other apparently about to get them, the situation will be different. The Syrians would welcome the addition of several million educated co-religionists to underpin their rocky regime. I have, shall we say, excellent relations with the secret services there; I cannot tell you more at this point. We cannot bring oil to the table, but we can offer well-armed, resolute defiance of the Islamists, who threaten Damascus. I will support the right of Syria to have an outlet to the Mediterranean, a right denied them by the European carve-up. In return they will help defend our Sunni Iraqis from an oil-rich Shia autocracy to our East. Israel will not object to a buffer zone to their east.

I recognize that the civil war here is a symptom of the more general struggle for the soul of Islam. We, you and I, were brought up in a secular country, trying to modernize itself. I did what I had to do to hold the country together, and you can now see what happens when you lose your grip and medieval extremism begins to take hold. I am still a modernist, my friend. I believe in a secular bulwark against the fundamentalists and the mullahs. This is phase one.

Phase two commences when the King of Jordan falls, as fall he must, by the will of Allah. We will ride in to save Jordan from the curse of radical Islam, not to mention Hamas, if necessary. Saving Jordan will result in a rapid reappraisal of Saddam among the so-called think-tanks of Washington. They get most things wrong, but this they will get right.

Phase three is the expected revolution in Riyadh. We have a duty to protect the holy places of Mecca and Medina from the extremists and to aid the economies of the world by keeping as much oil as possible in friendly hands. There will be chaos. We cannot occupy all of Saudi (Arabia), but we can be seen resisting al Quaeda and bin Laden.

I was once good friends with a former U.S Republican Administration. I can do it again.We have much in common. Look at Abu Graib, the wire tapping, the rendition, the whittling down of American freedoms, the kidnapping of innocent Moslems and their endless incarceration in Cuba. As Americans say, I've been there, done that.I will promise the right things. We will educate our women and children and remove their veils. We will have an accommodation with Israel (because we have no choice). We will welcome Macdonalds and Starbucks and the American dollar. And in the process we will restore the infrastructure and living standards of our Arabian people, and will acquire powerful allies against the threat of the mullahs.

And in the process Saddam Hussein, alleged mass murderer and torturer, will be rehabilitated, a hero of the twenty-first century, a supporter of freedom, bulwark against Iran, keeper of the peace. The American media, when told to, will play along.

So do not despair. The old fox has a strategy. Join me in Damascus.

Wahda, Hurriya, Ishtirakiya! But this time we will play down Ishtirakiya! (See note 2)

Ma'assalama!

Your old friend,

Saddam

Translator's notes:

Note 1: Ba'ath means in Arabic "resurrection". In the next paragraph the writer uses the word ironically to indicate his own "resurrection".

Note 2. "Unity, Freedom, Socialism" Saddam intends to drop the last word from the old Ba'ath slogan, for obvious reasons.