Email from Saddam Hussein

Amazing, hitherto unpublished letter!
To: All true Sunni Moslems, greetings!
Sent: Friday, November 19, 2004 6.59 AM
Subject: Winning eventually

From Saddam Hussein to all true Sunni believers, salaam aleikum!

Unless you live in the American mid-West or bible belt and you only listen to local TV and radio, you will know that I was betrayed and fell into the hands of the imperialist occupying forces. It was quite a relief. This way I get three meals a day.

So how come, you will ask, am I sending emails from prison? Simple really. The capitalist market place. I have a billion US dollars in Western banks. I have something to offer and the employees of Halli-whatsit are keen to take it.

So you thought I was finished? You thought it was just the matter of the trial, then the firing squad and pouff! end of Saddam? Nah! Not so fast. The big picture is as follows: first, at any so-called trial I"m gonna spill the beans about Don Rumsfeld. So they"re in no hurry to put me on trial. Mind you, that Bush crowd is so shameless they"d manage to make the American public think that I sold America the poison gas!

So I guess I'll be hanging around here in jail until the occupying forces (may Allah curse their grandchildren's grandchildren) have left with their tails between their legs and the American media have stopped reporting on Iraq altogether.

Second, despite what you might think, things are going as planned. If I'd had my way when I took over the country back whenever, I'd never have included Shias and Kurds in the country in the first place. They've always been a pain in the neck and Iraq has always been a hodge-podge (do you call it?) stuck together by the British (may Allah curse their mothers and their daughters' daughters).

So let the Kurds have their own country and really annoy the Turks; and let the Shias have their country, under the influence of Iran, and really annoy the Americans. Meanwhile the scenario is this: let that crowd of carpet-baggers and yes-men hold their "elections". My brave Sunni fighters will keep up the struggle for national liberation and Sunni sympathizers won't vote. The new "government" will have no credibility. Iraq will remain ungovernable, as usual, and will break up into it's constituent parts. All I have to do is to sit tight until that time and then triumphantly re-emerge as DICTATOR OF SUNNI IRAQ!!

I imagine you'll be thinking, "Fat chance! There are thousands of Sunnis out there who hate Saddam and will never let him back." Wait and see. Wait and see.

The strategy's a bit tricky. Depends on what happens first: whether the corrupt "government" assassinates me here in jail, or my freedom fighters rescue me as the Americans are going out the back door.

Assassination is quite probable, but Allah is great! He has given me some really stupid opponents! Watch this (jail) space . Wouldn't George Bush's face be a picture if it works?